Zack v Visa Office

Current score:
Im not entirely sure how successful they've been, But I certainly dont have any points on the board.
So the consulate website says that if you go in to get a visa, it should get back to you that day. The people I talked to at Stanford in charge of the program said that that was a little ambitious, and that you usually have to come back the next day.
I get there, with all of my paperwork, and the guy goes--
"You know that these take three to four weeks"
I leave in two weeks.
"any way to expedite it?"
"well you can check in on its progress"
"but that doesnt speed it up in any way?"
"no"
"so is there anything I can do to speed up the process?"
"well if you call in we can tell you the status of your paperwork..."
well that conversations wasnt going anywhere.
My current plan is to hope that they are faster than they say they are, or that the IFMR, the organization that I am working for in India, has big-ass handful of strings it can pull.
Unrelated funny events:
A bunch of us who were at the same appointment time and who had been talking were standing in line together were getting bored. The guy behind me, a twentysomething white guy, starts talking to this 4 year old indian boy about growing tall, height, etc. They are talking about how tall the boy will get, and so the white guy asks him how tall his mom is--
"My mom is like a dog." The child's dad looks uncomfortable.
"Thats not very nice" says the white guy "maybe you should say your mom is like a bush."
Great, that made it better.
And in more unrelated news, I bought a surfboard on the way back home. So if this whole visa-to-save-people-from-poverty thing doesnt work out, I can always become a beach bum. This seems like a viable alternative at this point.